August 31, 2001DANGLING THE CARROT...
Sheesh! Where the hell did August go?!?!!!!
Wasn't it just yesterday that we were looking forward to IMAGINE NATION Expo!?! Jez-uz!!!! If time flies when you're having fun, we must be having one freaking blast!!
And three weeks ago I'm hearing that the Sheraton hotel is all sold out for October's CHILLER THEATRE Expo! That's a first this early in the game! Great news for Kevin and company, but still damn glad I reserved my room back in early June!! (Thanks, Alina!!!!)
But don't fret, True Believers!! There's plenty of hotels and inn's around the Stadium for a lot more people!!!
Hell, I even hear CultMan is coming this time! All I can say is, 'It's about damn time!!!' :)
So for those out there in Model-Loving-Land, what can we do to entice you who haven't been to a large model show, or never made it to CHILLER, to make the trek this October?! (Okay, okay... let me say it right now! NO, I ain't gonna pay your way, so drop those thoughts right NOW!!)
I can promise you a full fun-filled three days of activity though!! I'd be happy to take you around on a personal tour, where you'll actually get to meet many of the names you see each and every day on the 'Net! And it goes without saying that if you offer me a drink, I'll accept!!
(Do I have you reaching for the airline & reservations desk yet?!)
What if I threw in a great big bear-hug delivered by our own Diceman!!? (Sure, you'd probably want one from Suzie, instead, but don't hold your breath!! I already reserved all of them for myself, so forget it!!) How about a taste of the best, (and most original) beef jerky, this side of Heaven??! (Mouth's watering, ain't it?!) Okay, okay... since this might be your FIRST ever CHILLER show, and it is October after all, guess I'll have to pull out all the stops, uh?! What if I offered the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see A) Bernie Wrightson just after he gets his hairy ass outta bed and before he stumbles down to fill his face, or B) Mike Kaluta, who would scare a Wookie out of his skin when seen prior to his first cup of klava in the morning?! Hey, this is precious stuff here, folks!!
What if we announced there'd be a raffle held on Saturday night, and the winner wins a big eight inch comb and gets the honor of combing Aranjo's hair?! (Or at least see if one can hold on to the comb in the close vicinity of Caliban's hair??!) Same difference! Or a pool on which day Diceman's sugar levels will hit sporadic levels and his eyes do that funny little dance and you cheer them on in their attempt to roll completely around, 360 degrees!!! If poor, pathetic Diabetic-Watching sports aren't your thing, (you KillJoy, you!) then we can have a separate pool on the amount of coffee Wayne 'The Dane' Hansen drinks in a three day period!
I got ya with the comb, didn't I??
The interest level's going up! Yea, yeah.... I can see the flicker in your beady little ratty eyes, there, buddy!!
Okay! Here's the kicker!!! This will get you heading for the garden spot of the America's before you can say T-O-N-Y S-O-P-R-A-N-O and B-A-D-A B-I-N-G!! After we escort you to the #1 PRIME spot on the music tent floor, and you party your silly ass off til 0400 hours in the morning (not to worry... it's really only 0300... well, hell, 0400, cuz you only think you're being smarter than time itself!) we'll not only let you sleep in til 8 o'clock A.M., but we'll talk Suzie into getting you one of those big, hunking 16 oz DUNKIN DONUT coffee's just the way you like it, come Sunday morning!!!
And you'll need all the coffee you can take, believe you me!! Because then I'll take you over to Robb "Whose the Man' Rotondi, who spent the night before right next to your drunken ass, chewing on garlic balls like they were Bazooka BubbleGum!! We'll buzz over to Dave "Belly Laughs" Skelley's table and see if we can lift the last of his beef jerky, and after we clean up your 'mistake' off the floor, we'll get down to some serious buying spree action, Mo'Fo'!!
We both know damn well these fools behind the Dealer Tables are as hung over as we are, and looking forward NOT IN THE LEAST to humping all their stock back home again!! All those kits we've been drooling over the past year, will go for a song!!! Trust me!!!
Hell, if our silver tongues don't work their spells on um, we can always say we're Diceman & Webb and we need some review copies for the mag!! Piece of cake, man!!
That did the trick!!! Now go over to that calculator, figure out how many weeks from now til October, 26th... times the meager amount of money you make per hour, and you can see right there in that little glowing window that you have MORE than enough moola' to make it over to E. Rutherford, New Jersey!!! ...and still have enough left over to buy me a drink or two!!
See!! All we needed was a plan, man!!
Til next week...